Misunderstandings
by seattlecsifan
Summary: I'm back to angst filled season five. Sara sees Grissom with Sofia during Unbearable. What happend the next day? This IS rated M for mature, some readers may find the language offensive.
1. Chapter 1

Misunderstandings

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XXX

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Sara was having one hell of a fucked up week. She'd just come back to work after her suspension. It was good to be back after a week of sitting at home doing nothing, Telling off Ecklie had been worth it though. She'd been working a missing persons case with Grissom, Sofia, and Brass, it had turned into a murder investigation. 

On the third day when she'd turned the corner leading to the break room and seen Grissom sitting next to Sofia it had felt like someone had kicked her in the gut. They had their heads together, laughing. Sara had thought maybe she and Grissom had turned a corner last week when he'd spent hours at her apartment talking about her past. He'd held her hand while she'd cried, for fuck sake. He'd even squeezed out a few tears himself. He'd kissed her forehead when he'd finally left. She guessed she'd been wrong.

The next day when she was in the locker room getting ready for shift she'd overheard Hodges and Henry talking in the corridor about how Grissom had taken Sofia out for dinner that night before shift. Sara felt a little lightheaded and confused at first, then nausea grabbed her by the gut. She ran into the ladies room and knelt in front of a toilet, breathing shallowly, hands trembling. When she felt the desire to vomit ease she got up and sat on the edge of the toilet. Her eyes darting around unseeing, stomach churning, heart fluttering like a trapped bird. Jesus God, it felt like the life she'd spent the better part of the last decade building was falling like a house of cards.

"Fuck!"

Sara went back to her locker, grabbed her bag and left the building. When she got to her car she pulled out her cell phone and sent a text message to Grissom that she would be out sick for the night. Sara sat in her car shaking for a half an hour before she could put the key in the ignition and drive back to her apartment.

Her fucking empty apartment. She pulled the tequila bottle out from the cupboard over the refrigerator. It was going to take a fuck of a lot more than beer to drown this sorrow.

Standing at the kitchen counter she slammed a shot. Fucking Jesus, the bastard couldn't risk his fucking job for her, but he's taking that blond bitch out after just a few months.

"Jesus Christ!"

The second shot didn't burn as much. The desire to smash her fist into the wall was starting to fade behind the thoughts of packing a bag and leaving. Surely life wouldn't be this painful someplace else. Anyplace else. If she didn't have to see him every day maybe her heart wouldn't feel like it was being ripped apart.

The knock at the door came as she slammed the third shot. "Fucking great. Probably a Seventh Day Adventist who wants to save my sorry ass." she muttered to herself as she poured a forth shot and went to fling open the door.

"Grissom… what the fuck do you want?"

Grissom's eyebrows shot up to meet his hairline as he took in the full shot glass in Sara's hand. He frowned as he noticed her red eyes and nose and tear stained face. "Sara, are you alright? Jacqui said she saw you run into the ladies room looking quite ill." He reached out his hand to touch Sara's arm but she jerked away from him like his touch would burn her.

"What do you care Grissom. I'm not worth the trouble am I?" Sara downed her forth shot and retreated into her kitchenette to find the bottle. "I heard you talking to Vincent Lurie that day, you know. You told him it wasn't worth risking everything you'd worked for to have me."

Sara froze when she felt Grissom behind her, his hands on her arms. "Honey, that wasn't what I meant. That wasn't what I said."

Sara jerked away, "I heard you, for fuck sake. Grissom, I was right there on the other side of the glass." She poured a fifth shot and tossed it back. "You can't give me some song and dance to placate me with this time." Sara slammed the shot glass down on the counter and spun around to glare at him accusingly. " I know about Sofia."

"Sara, honey, I don't know what you're talking about." His thumbs were rubbing nervously against the forefingers of both his hands. He glanced behind her to judge how empty the bottle of tequila was. He looked back at Sara's tear stained face,"Please tell me what's wrong."

"You took Sofia out for dinner tonight before shift, didn't you?" Sara spat the words out like they were a mouthful of rotten meat. "Did you think I wouldn't hear about it? Or didn't you care that it would hurt me?" She closed her eyes and shook her head, "Fuck Grissom just get out. I've had enough of your bullshit." Sara stepped past him and stood waiting at her front door.

Grissom followed her to the door and closed it. "Sara, please sit down and let me talk to you." He reached out to take her elbow and steer her towards the couch but she pushed him away and stalked to the other side of her living room.

"Grissom, I just can't take any more of this shit, alright? You've finally won, I'm broken. I'll leave. I'll turn in my resignation tomorrow." Sara hadn't felt this beaten down since she was still at home, taking the occasional smack from her parents. Her hands were starting to tremble again.

Grissom was across the room in two long strides. He grabbed Sara by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. "Honey, you've got it all wrong. Sofia is nothing to me. She was thinking of quitting so we went to dinner to talk about it. Honey? Do you understand me?" He peered into her eyes to see if there was any spark of understanding. "Honey, why don't you sit down and let me make you some coffee and toast. Okay? We need to talk, but you need something to eat first. Do you remember how much you had to drink?"

Grissom led Sara to the couch before stepping into the kitchenette to start a pot of coffee. He opened the refrigerator and looked to see what kind of food Sara had on hand. "Will you eat some scrambled eggs, honey?" Grissom turned to see Sara laying on the couch asleep. He walked to her side and reached down to softly caress her cheek. When she didn't stir Grissom picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. He laid her gently on her bed and removed her shoes and carefully slipped off her jeans. After maneuvering her under the covers Grissom went back to the kitchenette to write her a note.

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**TBC**

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XXX

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	2. Chapter 2

Misunderstandings

Chapter 2

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**XXX**

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Sara awoke with a pounding headache. When she tried to get up and go to the bathroom the bed began to spin. That's when she realized she had a hangover. Tasting the foul remnants of tequila in her mouth Sara remembered why she had a hangover. Sofia, or rather Grissom and Sofia. Dating. Damn.

Gritting her teeth, Sara carefully stood up and walked slowly towards her kitchenette. Holding her head as steady as she could, she tried to concentrate on not throwing up. In her kitchenette Sara found a bottle of aspirin on the counter with a piece of paper under it. Frowning she swallowed three tablets dry and picked up the paper to see a note from Grissom.

"Grissom…" Sara groaned, remembering he had come to see her after she had started self medicating with a shot glass. She couldn't quite remember what had happened but had the definite feeling it hadn't been pretty. Rubbing her forehead gently Sara returned her attention to the note.

'Sara, We need to talk. Please don't do anything rash. This has all been a misunderstanding. I'll be by after shift, G.'

Sara glanced at the clock on the stove, 7:38 AM. Shit, half an hour. Maybe forty five minutes. She grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and drank half of it on the way to the shower. Don't do anything rash.

As Sara stood naked, waiting for the water to warm up she cast her mind back to the night before. Rash…?

Resignation, she remembered saying she was going to resign. Life couldn't be this painful somewhere else. Stepping into the steaming shower Sara thought that she wasn't being rash. She'd tried to take a leave of absence three years before. She'd had enough then. Now after three more years of playing tug of war with her heart she was well and truly past enough. He couldn't talk her into staying again. Not with some glib remark like 'The lab needs you'.

With an increasing sense of indignation, Sara pulled on a pair of worn jeans and a old sweatshirt. Misunderstanding my ass. How could having dinner with Sofia be misconstrued? He didn't care for her enough to see her away from work and had moved on to someone who obviously meant more to him. Someone worth the risk. What's to misunderstand? Time to move on.

Sara's jaw tightened when she heard the tap on her front door. Striding to the door she opened it while thrusting out her chin in defiance.

"Sara, may I come in?" Grissom intoned quietly.

Sara stood back from the door to allow him to enter, closing the door rather loudly.

"Honey, are you okay?" Grissom asked as he reached out to touch her shoulder.

Sara took a few steps back narrowing her eyes at him. "I'm fine Grissom. The penny finally dropped. It's time to move on. I'm tired of having my heart stomped on. Damn it I feel like an emotional punching bag Grissom. When I left foster care I told myself I would never be a punching bag again. It's time to stop this." Sara turned and walked to the window, not wanting to let him see the final heartbreak.

"Sara, honey, you've got this all wrong. Sofia doesn't mean anything to me, sweetheart. She's just a CSI who's facing a difficult career choice." Grissom quietly moved across the room to stand behind Sara. "Honey, you're the only one I want. For years you've been the only one."

Sara could feel her heart begin to flutter again. What was he saying?

"But it scares me honey. I'm petrified. What if I give you my heart and it's not enough. If you ever left me I'd have nothing." Grissom reached out to barely touch her hair, afraid of having her bolt from his touch again.

"I've always felt that if we were only co-workers I'd at least have that. You'd be here and I could see you almost everyday at work. The only risk I've been afraid of taking is to love you and have you leave me in the end. I'm not afraid to risk my job Sara, I'm afraid to risk my heart."

Grissom put both hands on Sara's shoulders and she leaned back against him, letting the built up tension melt away.

"Sara, do you think we could start over?" Grissom rubbed his beard lightly on her cheek. Sara could feel his breath on her ear. "Pretend we're just friends who are interested in having more. Taking the next step." Sara turned her face towards his warmth. "Honey, will you let me start by taking you to breakfast?'

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**XXX**

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More??? 


	3. Chapter 3

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**XXX**

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Grissom notice he was holding his breath. He slowly released the lungful of air against Sara's cheek.

Until today he'd never realized the pain his decisions had caused. He'd been playing with Sara's emotions and hadn't even thought about it. No wonder she was skittish around him. He'd been a bastard, no two ways around it.

He vowed to himself that if she didn't reject his advances he would make it all up to her. He'd earn her trust again.

Grissom felt Sara's shoulders relax against his chest and heard her sigh deeply. She'd been holding her breath too.

"Like a date Grissom?" He could feel her shoulders stiffen again slightly as she asked the question. "A man and a woman out on a date. Not two co-workers who don't know what to make of each other?"

Grissom smiled to himself. He squeezed her shoulders. "A date between a man and a woman who want to find out what to make of each other. What do you say? Is it finally time to take the next step, to see what happens?"

Sara turned and looked him in the eyes, unflinchingly direct. Searching, it seemed.

"I'll just change my clothes."

"Nothing fancy." It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from his chest. Grissom wandered around the room until he saw his reflection in the glass of a picture frame.

He didn't think he'd ever seen a smile so big. Certainly not on his face.

When he heard Sara returning he tried to arrange his face in a more acceptable pleasant smile and turned to her. She'd slipped on newer jeans that had no holes, sneakers and a rose colored t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. He loved it when she wore her hair like that, but it always gave him the almost undeniable urge to nibble on the back of her neck.

Grissom fell into stride beside Sara as she headed for the door, his hand finding the small of her back as they made their way to his car. He let himself touch her with a little more pressure now and smiled to himself.

Grissom backed the car from the parking space and pulled out onto South Mojave Road heading south to Desert Inn.

"I know a great little place in Boulder." Glancing over at Sara, Grissom continued, "We'll have to be careful to keep this separate from work." He wasn't sure she had heard. "Sara, honey, are you all right?"

"Yeah, sure…I'm just a little dazed I guess. I mean, last week I thought we'd taken a step forward. Then last night I thought it was all over. Now I'm on my way to Boulder City to have breakfast with my boyfriend. It's just a lot to assimilate." Sara turned to him and smiled shyly. "I'm okay Gris, or I will be anyway."

As they passed through Henderson on the 515 Grissom reached over to squeeze her hand.

"Good."

**XXX**

Grissom ordered coffee and a denver omelet with dry whole wheat toast. Sara ordered a large tomato juice and dry whole wheat toast.

As the waitress, Ruby the name tag on her uniform said, walked away. Grissom looked closely at Sara's face. "That's not much of breakfast honey."

"Yeah, well I'm still a little hung-over. Guess I'm not used to tequila shooters anymore."

"Oh Sara, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you into breakfast today."

"No. I've been waiting to go on a date with you again for the last five years. You don't think I'd let a little hangover stop me." Sara grinned and leaned back as Ruby delivered their beverages.

"May I have a bottle of Worcestershire sauce please?" Ruby pulled a bottle out of her apron pocket and Sara laughed "That obvious?" Ruby nodded with a smirk and left them to their conversation.

"Sara, I think we'd better take this slow. I know we've known each other forever, but I'm still a little nervous. Will that be okay with you?"

Ruby returned with their breakfast, setting the omelet in front of Grissom and the toast in front of Sara. She topped up Grissom's coffee and retreated.

"Yeah, I think that's a pretty good idea Gris." Sara suddenly found the shape of her toast very interesting. "You know, I've fantasized about taking you to bed for years, but now that the opportunity's arisen I'm a little nervous too." She peeked up to look at him from under her brow.

Grissom grinned at her. "There's no need to be nervous. We'll just go slow, okay?" He reached across the table to take her hand in his. "I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to change my mind. You can trust me on this Sara. I'm done playing games with you."

Sara was speechless She could only squeeze his hand in reply.

**XXX**

They rode in companionable silence on the way back to Sara's apartment. Holding hands comfortably.

Grissom walked Sara to her door.

"Do you want to come in?" Sara tilted her head towards the interior of the small space.

"No, we both have work tonight, I'd better go. I had a good time." Grissom shuffled his feet restlessly. "We both have Sunday off, can we go out for dinner and a movie?" He looked at her hopefully. She thought he looked like a shy teenager,

"Yes, of course. I'd love to Gris." Sara moved forward and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'll see you tonight." Stepping into her apartment she closed the door quietly and leaned against it, a gentle smile played across her lips.

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**XXX

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	4. Chapter 4

Misunderstandings, Chapter Four

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**XXX**

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As he entered the break room to hand out assignments, Grissom was actually pleased to see Sara. It was a nice change from the almost two years that her appearance had filled him with dread. He felt he finally had come to grips with his feelings for her. Hell, for him, even admitting that he had feelings was quite an achievement. Not to mention the fact that he felt he now knew what to do about those feelings. 

As Grissom took in Greg and Sofia also sitting at the break room table with Sara he put on his supervisor persona. "Sofia, you've got a domestic violence case in Spring Valley. The wife's in ICU at Desert Palms." Grissom handed Sofia the assignment slip as she rose to leave the room. "Sara, B&E at a souvenir store on Fremont."

Sara's eyes narrowed in a not very well concealed scowl. She carried her coffee mug to the sink and took her time rinsing it.

"Greg, you're with me. Two DB's in the desert. Apparent murder/suicide. Get your boots and I'll meet you at the Denali in fifteen." Greg, feeling the tension in the air, quickly left the break room.

"Problem Sara?" Grissom walked over to lean against the counter next to the obviously peeved CSI.

"Damn it Grissom, you can't keep putting me on these no drama cases just because you know my family background now." Sara's eyes were blazing as she turned to face Grissom. Jesus he could make her angry. "I'm still the same CSI I was two weeks ago. Level three, in case you've forgotten."

"You're still the same CSI that got suspended less than two weeks ago, Sara." Grissom said quietly. "I'm just trying to help you."

Sara plucked the assignment slip from his hand as she headed for the door. "Find another way. This one's getting really old."

Grissom sighed as he followed her towards the parking lot. Maybe he didn't know what he was doing after all.

**XXX**

Sara was surprised she wasn't more angry. A month ago she would have been irate by now. But then again, a month ago she wouldn't be pulling up in front of Grissom's townhouse. Sara shivered as she walked towards the front door, now that the sun had gone down it was getting chilly. She could hear Chopin through the door as she lifted her hand to knock, one of the nocturnes, it was haunting.

The soft tap on his front door surprised Grissom. Not being very social he seldom had visitors. He put down his New York Times crossword and rose from the sofa. As he passed the stereo he turned down the music.

Finding Sara when he opened the door was even more surprising. "Sara. What are you doing here?"

Sara slipped past him and walked into the living area of the open plan town home. "We had a date. Did you forget?" She'd only been in his home a couple of times and looked around curiously.

"I thought you were mad at me Sara. I didn't want to be presumptuous." Grissom said as he looked at her with a desolate expression.

Sara turned and smiled at him. "I'm mad at my supervisor, so far my boyfriend hasn't done anything to make me angry. I'm surprised you misunderstood that Grissom. You're the one who suggested we keep work and 'this' separate, remember?"

Grissom felt his melancholy evaporate. He hadn't even realized how sad he'd been. "I'll just go change my clothes." Grissom said as he turned towards the stairs.

"We don't have to go out you know. You've got some DVD's haven't you?" Sara walked towards the entertainment center to investigate. "We can order a pizza and watch a movie here if you'd like." She turned to see what Grissom thought of this idea.

"Sure," he pointed to the shelves that housed his DVD collection. "I'll order the pizza. What would you like?" Grissom walked into the kitchen to get the pizza store number off of the magnet on his refrigerator.

Sara turned to look at Grissom, "Who do you usually order from?" she asked as she walked over to the peninsula dividing the kitchen from the living area.

"Metro Pizza, the one on Trop isn't far."

"I love their Thompson Street." Sara grinned and walked back to peruse the DVD collection. Grissom had a pretty good collection. Mostly classics.

Grissom opened his cell phone and keyed in the number. "I'd like to order an individual Modesto and an individual Thompson Street, please. Just a sec." Covering the mouthpiece he asked "Would you like some tiramisu for desert?"

Sara turned to grin at him, nodding enthusiastically.

"Yes, tiramisu as well. For pick-up. Twenty minutes. Thank you." Grissom walked across the bare concrete floor to stand next to Sara as she looked at the DVD covers. "Find anything you'd like to watch? We can stop and pick something up at the video store if you'd prefer."

"Are you kidding? These are great." Sara turned her gaze on Grissom, he was really adorable when he was unsure of himself. Turning back to the movies she continued, "The hard part is going to be deciding."

Grissom picked up his jacket from the back of a chair, shrugging into it. "I'll go get the pizza and you can pick out what we're going to watch, okay?"

Sara looked up from the movies and nodded, "Great, see you in about twenty."

As Grissom opened the front door he turned back and watched her for a moment. Sara had pulled out two movies and was reading the backs with great concentration. "Help yourself to something to drink, okay?" When she nodded absently he stepped out into the darkness.

Sara placed Casablanca on the DVD player and went to the kitchen to look for a beer. For all her nonchalance she still felt a little uneasy being in Grissom's home.

In Grissom's home. Alone. Free to snoop for another fifteen minutes. Grabbing a Corona from the refrigerator Sara returned to the entertainment center to look at the music collection. It was amazingly diverse. Classical, of course, but also jazz, rock and pop.

Slipping the Talking Heads into the CD player, Sara turned her attention to the walls. Mounted butterflies and beetles were prevalent. A little bit of art here and there. Entomology books dueled for space with poetry collections on the bookshelves.

Sara considered going upstairs but decided to wait until she was invited. Smiling to herself she returned to the kitchen and checked out the cupboards. It looked like Grissom stocked his kitchen better than she did hers. Several years ago she'd tried to break the take-out habit with no luck. She seldom had both the desire and the time to cook for herself.

Checking the time Sara decided to gather plates, napkins, and condiments to set the coffee table with. Satisfied that everything was ready she sat down on the couch, kicked off her shoes and reclined, hugging a Grissom scented pillow to her chest. Grissom, pizza, a movie and a couch, what more could a girl ask for?

As the front door opened Sara quickly put the pillow back and went to help Grissom with his load. Snagging a bag off the top of the boxes, she carried it towards the refrigerator. "Beer good for you? I've got us set up in front of the TV, is that okay?"

"Yes on both accounts." Grissom set the pizzas on the coffee table.

"Those smell delicious." Sara placed the tiramisu on a shelf in the refrigerator and grabbed two beers. Smiling she carried them into the living room and sat down on the couch. "I'm starving, I think I forgot to eat at work this morning." Grissom was fiddling with the DVD player. "Casablanca alright with you?" She asked, "I haven't watched it in years. Humphrey Bogart is one of my favorites."

Grissom rose and walked to the coffee table, setting down the remote control. Sitting on the couch he turned to Sara and kissed her softly. "Relax Sara, it's only dinner and a movie." Patting her on the knee he turned to open the pizza boxes. "They're both vegetarian, shall we share?"

Relaxing, Sara sat back with a grin. "I'd like nothing better than to share with you."

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**XXX

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	5. Chapter 5

This chapter is post 4x4.

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**XXX

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**Grissom was walking down the lab hallway engrossed in the file for a hit and run case he was working, a Hummer that ended up parked on top of a Fiero. When he overheard Greg Sanders talking to Sara about the shower they had shared earlier, Grissom forgot all about the file in his hand. He turned to watch them as Sara told Greg she had seen 'everything'. 

As Sara and Greg turned the corner unaware that Grissom was even there, Judy called out to tell him that the Humvee from his case had been carjacked earlier in the evening.

Grissom felt the pangs of jealousy start to flutter in his chest as he turned to continue down the hall. _Why were Greg and Sara in a shower together, and why was Sara checking Greg out? _When he felt a shooting pain in one of his molars Grissom realized how tightly his jaw was clenched and tried to relax. Surely there must be a logical explanation. Grissom's eyes narrowed in irritation, _Screw logic, what were Sanders and Sara doing naked together._

Unfortunately the hit and run/carjacking case was easily solved, leaving plenty of time for Grissom to stew. By the end of shift he knew that Sara and Greg had been decontaminated in a hazmat tent at their crime scene, but that knowledge did little to relieve the tension that had built up over the course of the shift. He could feel the beginnings of a headache. Grissom hoped it wasn't going to turn into a migraine. He decided to leave work a half an hour early and felt vaguely ashamed. It felt like he was running away.

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Sara glanced at the clock as she filed the end of that night's paper work. She was surprised that it was only a half an hour past the end of shift. She'd figured when evidence of a second victim had turned up at their crime scene that she and Greg we're going to be in for a long shift. 

Sara stretched the kinks out of her upper back as she walked towards Grissom's office. She hadn't seen him in hours and now realized he'd been acting a little strange for most of the night. When she found his office empty Sara walked to the reception desk to ask the day shift receptionist if Grissom was in the lab. A frown wrinkled her brow when the receptionist told Sara that Dr. Grissom had left for the day before the start of the shift.

Sara clocked out and went to the locker room to exchange her lab coat for her street coat and gather her purse and keys. Walking to her car she wondered if Grissom had developed a migraine. In the two months they'd been seeing each other outside of work he hadn't had one, but Sara knew they could be debilitating. She decided to drive over to his townhouse and check on him.

They had fallen into the habit of eating breakfast and spending a little time together after their shift most days and Sara found it strange that Grissom hadn't spoken to her before he left. She knew he'd been trying very hard to regain her trust by spending time with her and being more open with her about his feelings. Something didn't seem right.

Twenty minutes later when he answered the door, Sara thought Grissom looked tense and uncomfortable. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and walked past him into the kitchen.

"Hey babe, I've got bagels. Have you had any breakfast yet?" Sara turned to look at Grissom as he followed her into the kitchen. "You okay? I can leave if you've got a migraine."

Grissom shook his head and murmured, "No, just a headache." He stood at the opposite end of the kitchen looking at his feet.

Sara walked into the living room and said, "Come sit down and tell me what's wrong, Grissom." She sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her.

She felt the icy grip of panic as he sat in the armchair instead. "Shit, Grissom, tell me what's wrong, you're scaring me."

Without raising his head to meet her eyes Grissom said "I got jealous last night, I know it's stupid Sara, but I got jealous that Greg had seen you naked." He finally raised his eyes to look at her and continued, "I let it wear at me all night until I couldn't even function."

"Grissom, you know I don't feel that way about Greg." She shook her head and closed her eyes briefly. "There wasn't really anything I could do about it you know."

"I know, Sara, I tried to stop it but it tore at me all night." Grissom leaned his head against the back of the chair and rubbed his forehead.

"Yeah, _I _know all about jealousy." Sara sighed. "When I heard about Teri Miller and Heather Kessler it just about ate me up."

Grissom sat up straight and looked intently at her. "Sara, you know they were just diversions. There was a physical and intellectual attraction, but I knew if they rejected me it wouldn't bother me too much. I didn't have to risk any of myself to be with either of them." Grissom tilted his head as he watched her. "I didn't know you even knew about the time I spent with them, you didn't show it."

"Yeah, well I got real good at hiding my feelings when I was a kid." Sara attempted a smile, but failed. "_You_, on the other hand, didn't hide anything from anyone when I was seeing Hank." Sara paused before whispering, "You know _he_ started out as just a diversion, I thought it wouldn't mean anything because he wasn't you." She looked away before continuing, "But I let him get too close and it really hurt when I found out I was 'the other woman'." Sara wiped away a tear with the heel of her hand.

Grissom got up and sat next to her on the couch. As Sara leaned into him he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and rested his head against hers.

"You know you're the only one, Gil. Ever since I first met you, you've been the only one." Sara pulled back to look at him, "You don't ever need to be jealous. As long as I have you there will never be another."

Grissom pulled Sara against his chest and stroked her hair. "You'll always have me, Sara."

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**XXX

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	6. Chapter 6

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**XXX

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**It was still raining as Grissom followed Sara outside to the parking lot of Desert State Mental Hospital. It seemed as if it had been raining for days, and as if they had been working this case for even longer.

He wished he hadn't assigned Sara to work this case with him, he should have realized that it would remind her of her childhood. Grissom had read the case files and knew that Sara's mother had spent considerable time in a California State mental institution after she had killed her husband; after she had killed Sara's father, in front of Sara.

He should have assigned Nick to work the case with him. But Grissom had been thinking of himself, wanting to spend as much time with Sara as he could now that they were friends again. Now that they were a little more than friends. He'd been thinking of himself and now he regretted it, as usual.

He shouldn't have left her alone in the nurses station either. He'd put her at risk and now felt as guilty as hell. Grissom knew that the patient's rooms were left unlocked at night, and yet he'd left her alone when any one of half dozen different rapist and murderers had access to her. He just hadn't thought.

"Sara, I'll drive you home. You don't need to go back to the lab until shift tonight." Grissom reached out to touch her back and was startled when Sara jerked away.

"Please don't touch me, Grissom." Sara was pacing back and forth next to the Denali, waiting for him to unlock the door. "I'm okay, I can finish the shift."

"Sara, I'm taking you home. You need to calm down before you go back to work, honey." Grissom unlocked the passenger side door and tried to help Sara into the truck, but she dodged his hand and closed the door.

_Not only do I blame **myself **for this, so does Sara, _Grissom thought to himself as he walked through the steady rain to the driver's side of the truck.

Grissom turned over the ignition and backed out of the parking space, awkwardly avoiding putting his arm on the back of Sara's seat as he looked over his shoulder.

He had hoped that during the drive to her apartment, Sara would calm down and let go of some of the tension she was obviously bottling up inside. But whenever he glanced over at her, he could see she was still sitting rigidly, staring out the passenger side window. She wouldn't look at him and he was afraid that she was angry with him; he was angry with himself, so why wouldn't she be as well?

Dawn was starting to touch the sky and the rain was letting up as they pulled into the parking lot behind Sara's apartment building. Grissom walked around the truck to open the passenger door, and stood with his head bowed, the light drizzle highlighting the grey in his hair.

Sara walked towards her apartment building. When Grissom didn't follow her towards the stairwell, she stopped and turned to face him.

"Aren't you coming up, Gris?" she asked, her brows drawn together in consternation, hands balled into fists at her side.

Grissom raised his head and squinted, focusing his attention on Sara's face. "Do you want me to?" he asked hopefully.

"No, I need you to." Sara turned and started up the stairs.

By the time Grissom caught up to her, Sara had already entered her apartment, leaving the door open behind her. He crossed the threshold into the dark room and quietly closed the door behind him. Before his eyes could adjust to the gloom, Grissom felt Sara crumpling against his chest, sobbing.

Wrapping his arms gently around her thin frame, Grissom began to rock her back and forth. "Shhh, honey. You're safe now. I'm so sorry I let it happen, Sara."

Grissom guided her to the sofa and drew her down beside himself, making comforting sounds and holding her heaving form against his chest. "Please don't be mad at me Sara, I know it was stupid of me to leave you alone. I just didn't think."

Sara took a deep shuddering breath and rubbed her tearstained face against Grissom's shirt. "I'm not mad at you, babe. You didn't do anything." Sara snaked her arms around his waist, burrowing into his chest even further. It was as if she was hanging on for dear life.

"I left you alone, it was my fault that Adam locked himself in that room with you." Tears began to seep out of the corners of Grissom's eyes. "I thought when you wouldn't let me touch you that it was because you blamed me."

"Oh Grissom, it wasn't your fault. I'm not mad…I just knew that as soon as you touched me I'd lose it." Sara loosened her grip on Grissom's midsection and sat up to look at him. She was surprised to see his tears, and reached up to wipe them away. "I just needed to get here first, babe."

Grissom reached out to softly touch the angry red mark where the pottery shard had been held against her neck. "Jesus Sara, he could have killed you." He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips across the tainted spot, his warm breath cleansing the damaged skin. "What would I have done then?"

Sitting back against the cushions of the couch, Grissom pulled Sara gently, but securely against his chest. He could almost feel the adrenaline draining from them both. "Honey, I was so scared, and I felt so impotent; all I could do was stand there and watch."

Grissom started to shake, imperceptibly at first, but the shudders seemed to grow in strength with each breath he took. Sara wrapped her arms tightly around him again, pressing her forehead against his neck and murmuring soft words of love and understanding until the tremors passed. She then rose and tugged Grissom's hand, leading him over to the bed.

"Will you stay and hold me while I sleep?" Sara sank onto the bed and curled in upon herself.

Grissom laid down on the bed, wrapping himself protectively around her. As Sara's breathing deepened and became steady, he whispered into her hair, "For as long as you'll have me, my love."

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**XXX

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